i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
