dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
