Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
