Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
