yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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