Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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