so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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