So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
