We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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