he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
