I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
