There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
