kristin has been a bad kristin
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
