college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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