then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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