i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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