im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
