shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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