there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
