my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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