not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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