Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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