he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
