everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
