I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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