I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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