I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
