A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
