nut hugger
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you bring me the toilet please
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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