I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
