He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
