so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
