my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
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Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?