Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize