you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends