I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.