we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
please come you make the beer taste better
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.