Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.