Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it