That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
