if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
