He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
