1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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