Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
