I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
