RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
