I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
