hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
