yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
