if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
operation have a gay friend backfired
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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