my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
