so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
