...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
