Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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