Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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