I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
