I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
