thus making me awesome and them whores
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize