Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We have started to decorate penises.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
