Little spoons don't ask big questions
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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