IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
