so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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