after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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