I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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