So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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