got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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