Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
