you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what day is it and did you see me today?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
