I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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