It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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