Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
