just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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