we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
