i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
