no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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