based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
