No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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