So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
