I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
