I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
