Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
